Jack Chick's 'Crazy Wolf'

Based on a story of Native Americans, this is a classic head-to-head battle between God and Satan. Guess who wins?
Satan?  Can't be God, that's too cliché.
Welcome, friends, to an evening around the campfire with that master of horror, Jack Chick! From demons to black magic to witches and warlocks, Jack Chick knows it and writes it like only the greatest author-artist can!  Chill in that most sublime of terrors - an omnipotent being that will condemn you eternally for failing to follow an arbitrary and nonsensical rule!  Terrifying!




Native Americans are extremely intolerant of other's beliefs!  Especially when they're rather bizarre Mormon/Catholic beliefs about Quetzalcoatl being Jesus.  Since Jack doesn't like Mormons or Catholics himself, maybe the Native Americans are the good guys?

It suddenly starts raining heavily, but their Native American force shields protect them for the brief instant before they obliterate the sky entirely with their minds, turning it to a blank white void.
"I hate having such a naturally angry looking face, it doesn't make me any friends."

"Have you tried putting curses on her?  Joe does a good 'bloated, cancerous face' curse.  And it does make it hard to speak with all these tumours filling my mouth."
A medicine man tried three different times and failed all three?  Must have been a homeopathic practitioner.  'Some strange power' being that the placebo effect doesn't work if you don't tell them they're being poisoned.

Warlock, thank you.  Or perhaps it's one of those transgender witches?

Fang is just hanging out down there, checking out the cow.  And now that I look at it, I can see why - it has no neck and its head is on the side of its shoulder.
I'm also curious as to when this is supposed to be set - they've all got pretty normal names except for 'Crazy Wolf', but they live in log cabins.  They've got telephones, but not electric lights.
And she hates this Old Mary so much that she wants to hire a hit man rather than just stop talking to her.

Rain again, exactly one week later!  Lucky the force shields are still active, or the picture might have gotten wet!  Also ew, nail clippings?  Did she keep them in a jar or something?

I'll be back in six days and tell you.
Again, warlock.  And since Quetzalcoatl is god of stuff like corn, I don't think he'll be much protection from him.

"Is Crazy Wolf a Skin Walker?"

"He killed his brother - you tell me!"
"Well, that doesn't really answer my question at all.  I mean, you don't need to be a Skin Walker to kill your brother, and unless killing your brother makes you a Skin Walker..."
The bunny is the only source of light in a dark world.
"No more questions, you're playing with fire."
"Well, what if I put away my lighter and listen properly?"
"Then you can ask more questions."
"There's his snakes, just hanging out.  And a guy tied up and gagged, with an arrow through his hat...might be best to just ignore that."

I guess ground up bits of dead people could give you some nasty diseases or something.  Seems like it would be faster to just stab him, or even tie him up in the sun like that other one.

Apparently Mary was the spawn of Cthulhu, too.  It does seem a bit strange that she'd start worshiping Jesus.  And I certainly agree that you don't want star-spawn living nearby or living at all.
Henry forgot the hair and the nail clippings, luckily Crazy Wolf did too or he'd be in for such a powdering!
"Hear my word!  On the full moon her heart will be in my hand!  Metaphorically speaking, of course!  I shall charm her away from that damned prince, and then she shall never have true love's first kiss!  Mwahahaha!"

No, he said he'd have her heart in his hand - which is a crucial component in the ritual to transform someone into a zombie.

"That was well worth the $300 I paid to get rid of someone who is really just kind of annoying."

Even children are assholes if they don't believe in Jesus.

"Your God has white skin!"
"No he doesn't."
"Oh.  Well, whatever, our sun god is better!  See how his rays pierce the darkness which constantly surrounds you!?"

"Pastor, a dangerous serial killer is coming after me, I really need some people to talk to themselves about me."

"I know, Mary.  I alerted the church, they're preparing a funeral plot and casket for you now."
"Crazy Wolf!  He is an actual witch with real powers, who can literally summon up Satan.  You're boned."
"It's just Jesus and me!" So really just you?  Also, she has a telephone apparently.  That works without electricity?  Or a phone line to her house?  The pastor has a mobile phone, and it even works in the middle of the desert - when is this happening?!

Yes, Crazy Wolf summons actual real live demons including Satan himself, and then goes to sleep.


His actual magical powers and real evil spirits guide his magic devil spirit body to Mary's House.  Mary, completely unaware, is shoveling cat food into her mouth while her poor starved cat looks on.

"Lord, I need a miracle.  Please send angelic guardians to protect me.  Thanks in advance, Mary."
God naturally chooses to answer her prayer the same way he answers all prayers, and does nothing.

Still impressed by the actual demonic powers this guy has.    The cat is beginning to wonder why it lives with a woman who eats all its cat food, talks to imaginary men, and regularly infuriates people with demonic powers and no compunctions about murder.


Jesus sends giant angels to protect Mary!  Lizard Demon tiptoes away from the monstrosity as it pummels poor Crazy Wolf.  Suddenly, he's not a Skin Walker, he's a "Skin Walker".  Foreshadowing the next panel, perhaps?


Satan's forehead, ear, and right cheek are understandably upset.  Ignoring the failure of his own demons, Satan takes it out on poor Crazy Wolf, who was only trying to earn a living.

Also, I want in on these 'real demonic powers'.  I mean, the power to shift shape and command demons?  Sure, it apparently doesn't work on fundamentalist Christians who specifically ask to be saved from demonic powers at the right time, but there's still an overwhelming percentage of the world you could mess with.  And since the only benefit to Christianity is being immune to demonic powers, which I'd hope having them yourself would make a moot point - hell yeah I want me a pact with Satan.
"Just one more thing, Lord.  I forgot to pick up some milk on the way home, so if it's not out of the way for you...maybe you could swing by later and drop some off?"

Christians are so loving!  Also stupid, if I were Crazy Wolf I'd probably have brought a gun or something, since she's responsible for Satan breaking my arm.

"I tried to kill you!  Aren't you afraid?  Seriously, I had real demonic powers and killed people for trespassing and stuff, I could probably have brought some corpse powder in my other hand to kill you with right now!"
More chicken?  What chicken?  You're standing, he hasn't even had any chicken yet.  He only has the one tooth, too, and it looks like he should be eating soft foods anyway.

"Would you like to go to heaven?"

"What the hell is heaven?"
Every crime known!  Grand theft auto, embezzling, loitering, genocide, you name it!
"Who is this Jesus?"
"Jesus created everything, even you.  And if you don't do what I'm about to tell you exactly, you will be tortured literally forever.  If you do do it, you can go to heaven."
"What is this heaven?"

"It cost Jesus His life, but not really, since Jesus is God and came back to life anyway.  And it's not as though Jesus was really a hard thing for God to make - I mean, he made all the animals of the world in a single day, so he could probably have churned out a couple million Saviours, made one for every person in the world.  But God loves to make things difficult and confusing and kind of pointlessly complicated, so He decided rather than just forgive you, He'd make it so you'd only be forgiven if you believed in His Son specifically.  Doesn't that sound appealing?"
I have my own take on John 3:16, which I think puts it in a more accurate light.

"For God so hated the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth not in him should not perish, but have everlasting torment."

"God made it so easy to fail to see the point of such a complex series of events just to do something an omnipotent being could just as easily accomplish by snapping its fingers."
"Man, I'd be crazy not to believe you!  This two minute conversation is adequate proof to make me change my entire view of the world!"
Although, I guess he did have contact with Satan, so that's probably gone a long way towards priming him for accepting God.
And Satan went nuts!  Like, totally crazy!  Ran around in circles gibbering to himself, wrapped himself in wallpaper and started hopping on one leg, just insane!

Double confused??  She's just spitting everywhere with surprise.

"Mary, I'm finding the heady rush of giving up my life entirely into the hands of another to be very intoxicating!"
"That's the power of endorphins at work, Mr. Wolf."

"My real name is Billie Wolf, Mary"
"Which makes you Mr. Wolf, moron."

"Don't you turn your back on me, you son of a bitch!  I'll kill you for ignoring me!"

And he spins around just in time to get shot dramatically!  Not sure why they'd rejoice, though, since they hired him to kill Mary.  More like, "Margaret is pissed off because he didn't kill Mary and stole her money, so she shot him, and then while she was there she shot Mary too."

Margaret is tortured for eternity for getting understandably pissed off about religious fundies.  She went a bit overboard with her solution for dealing with them (hint: try ignoring them), but that's hardly reason to torture her forever.  Especially considering the guy who was far worse gets to go to heaven.



A stock Jack Chick panel, which seems to advocate letting Jesus live at your house and hang around you all the time.  Man, what a bum.  Also, salvation: y/n?